Can Monies Be Split Once Probate As Been Granted

I think there is no connection between my emotional situation right now and my life. This confuses me even more. There
if any glaring discrepancies. My concern not just really good, this utter hopelessness in front of a spiritual eye and on the other hand .... hm. good question, what is actually on the other side. It was probably about time again feel that I suck, that I bathe in the self-pity and I'm just back at the bottom and if it is only for hours. Should remember that remember how good I have it up there? Maybe. If it works? No way.
What actually happened in my life and what happens in my head, varies enormously. I would almost say there is little between a relevant context. Certainly my life is now slightly less than ideal, but that's it, in the manner already a certain Time. Or was it just the drop of the barrel has to be related to overflow? I can not quite place it. You would think after the 100th time you learn from yourself I mean, maybe you are doing the same. Anyway, I do not. No matter how often I go through one and the same story, I do not learn from it. And I'm afraid that makes me the life to run after, or at least in my development. I do not go about it. At least not to me.
I bathe in the self-pity, say I think my situation, whatever, shit feel good about it and me, suck me to feel this is not self-pity? However, I have no anchor point. Neither a point from which the atmosphere the world, nor a point where all must lead. I mean, I had moments where I at least knew where my thoughts lead me, now I'm just confused. Perhaps it may be inferred from the confused lines. Whatsoever. Well .... I am tired to sleep, it must.