If I do not know which to begin and end which I do, I usually have my musical moments. But I do not write poetry because. I write to free myself. From one of the most beautiful feelings that I could feel in the last 6 months. I free myself by choice, because I grabbed the foresight to me evident that, despite all the beauty, warmth, boundless reverie, I would have failed sooner or later, though.
It is difficult for me to present the events of the abstract. Far too close to me is the thing, much too warm and too strong a feeling of pain. We met and I love soon. Love would be too strong a word. Yet that was what I felt and feel something that I felt before in this kind of previously rare. It was more pink than, more than enthusiasm. Rather an inner conviction that it is this one girl who will live their lives by my side. I told her what I felt and they rejected me. That alone was not the problem, it gnawed at me well, but was nothing that could not bury me. What is rather thrilled about in me a deep faith. Not religious in nature - this will take me probably never love.
After the rings in it, I was convinced I would be the lucky one, you can find at my side, go with her through life. But it turned out differently, it could be expected and I needed it. Only contrary to my whole self I pulled the worst case did not include in my calculations. And just then he enters. I was taken, but stood up again. I came up again and went on my way past her as I thought. I thought the feelings would go away. In my silence until I could someday look back with a smile on the matter. But again, I was subject to error. Blindly I walked up to her, farther and closer. I could not get away from her, with every setback, every song with every picture, my heart moved closer to her. Always the one hope in mind: Maybe they would throw a second coin and this time I was in the favor of the hour. That was the thought that drove me to not give up. The feeling to move well, but not giving up. I secretly kept me always to be prepared, to the best case that they gave me their error of their decision would proclaim. Off the cuff, I had run several miles, running and even crawling.
But I took my emotional journey the trunk view for the essentials. A friend helped me on the legs. Showed me the improbability of what I thought possible. Referred me point out that my dream was nothing more than .. a dream. A soap bubble, beautiful in form, in all its glory, but devoid of content. There would be no second coin toss. And now back to my self, I am here, still feeling pregnant, ready to run ad hoc km to realize my dream.
I was asked what would give me the assurance that even if the coin me would have made, my happiness would have been given me, which would have given me absolutely certain that she would have been the one who. That's a good question. But, with my own - again, made known - to be sure, I think that this is one. The one that goes somewhere in the world, in South Africa or LA across the street, unaware that her here Jeniger what goes around, on the quiet search for her. And I continue to think if you took them, then you can feel the difference with this past, I'm meaning that I have the "conviction of a" first developed by them. Yes, so special is .. or she was. But it was not me
himself, who preached there must always primarily be about the happiness of my counterpart? Was not me who said it was necessary to cut to their own happiness, if that's the only chance for the happiness of others? Certainly. And I want to do. Taking its decision. It is well thought out they have, I hope so. I wish her, that she is happy, so happy I would have been willing to make. I wish that she will never regret their decision.
I wish this not from vanity, cynicism or scorned. Rather, I wish her that she never in a position where I have found myself, will come, for I am only now - finally - ready. I am willing to let her go. to bury my feelings. to give your way out of my head and my heart - to release them and eventually distance themselves from my feelings. That this my decision is well considered.
In this sense, a beautiful and happy life, (ever) seen again.
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